Ideal for: Absolutely nobody!!! Job SpecIfications: You do everything they tell you, and be glad you’re alive to do it. Tasks could include digging ditches (or graves), cleaning up after mad scientists’ er, “experiments” (which include gross mutilation of various parts of the human anatomy), and fumigating the maggot-ridden, lice-infested quarters. Drawbacks: [...]
Ideal for: Women with a yearn for the road and a loving of decapitated caravans and mucky clothes. Job specifications: You wander around the land, staging occasional performances to get a few coins (although some say those are just elaborate distraction methods to filch a more substantial amount from your audience’s pockets). [...]
Ideal for: Any power mad female who doesn’t mind the odd head getting chopped off! Job Specifications: It looks good on paper, actually: waited on hand and foot, all the jewels you could ask for, and maids to do all the housework. But that’s until you lose it. Then you get beheaded. [...]
Ideal for: Non Sinners Job Specifications: You pray. A Lot. And you need to, considering what’s ahead of you on any given work day – poverty, chastity and obedience, just to name a few. Drawbacks: Aside from the difficulty of convincing the heathens that the very state of their immortal soul is [...]
Ideal for: Any woman who happens to be married to a tanner and has absolutely no ambition of her own. Job Specifications: You are the devoted wife of the tanner, and your duties include doing your husband’s laundry. Unfortunately, your husband’s work with decomposing cow flesh makes that task unpleasant to say the [...]
Ideal for: Very obedient, demure Japanese girls. Job specifications: You are the epitome of entertainment, elegance and style. You are expected to master the complexities of the tea ceremony, the science of flipping the fan, and the art of walking around the city in a tight kimono, wooden clogs, and socks. Your admirers [...]
Ideal for: Bright young blondes from Essex. Job specifications: While your useless husband is out in the village square, talking about how many angels can dance on the head of the pin, or comparing the world of ideas and the world of things and how it all has to do with shadows dancing [...]
Ideal for: anyone called Romeo or Juliet Job Specifications: Theatre was not considered a very respectable position in those days. While you enjoyed fame, fortune, and the admiration of fans who gifted you with fine jewellery and expensive perfumes, in the eyes of high society, you were little better than a charlatan. Needless [...]
Ideal for: ladies who don’t mind waiting. Job specifications: Your life is really easy, at least for a few years. You fan the young princess, possibly feed her grapes and accompany her on delightful strolls around the palace grounds. Play your cards right and you may even catch the fancy of one of [...]
Ideal for: the lover of arts and crafts. Job Specifications: If you have good eyesight and a set of very nimble fingers, put them to work at a pin factory. Your 50-hour work week involves twisting tiny pieces of wire into various pin shapes. You will also be asked to solder dainty heads [...]