Ideal for: a retired Dr. Frankenstein. Job Specifications: At the time of their grief, family members of the deceased rely on you to spare them to humiliation and horror of watching their loved one rot before their very eyes. Armed with surgical tools, vats of very strong chemicals, and cotton balls to stuff [...]
Ideal for: Anyone who gets on well with the public and ghosts. Job Specifications: Her Majesty has put you in charge of protecting the Tower of London, one of the most haunted places in the world. During the day, your task basically involves making sure that the tourists don’t leave soda cans in [...]
Ideal for: Miss Marples or Poirot. Job Specifications: You spend weeks looking for a body, and when you finally find it, it’s covered in blood and maggots. What do you do? Take out your gloves, stick your finger deep into the victim’s bowels, and see if you can measure the date of death [...]
Ideal for: Sad, lonely, miserable people. Job specifications: You live alone, living off locusts and honey, or whatever insects you happen to pick off your thick, unruly hair. Why you do his is a mystery to all who know you, but you throw yourself into the task with some absurd sense of satisfaction. [...]
Ideal for: brave animal lovers. Job Specifications: You have to clean out the cages, hose down the animals, feed the animals, and remove the uneaten food before the maggots decide to take residence. The birds aren’t that bad—it’s the large animals that can be a bummer to take care of. Imagine how big [...]
Ideal for: People with extra limbs that they do not mind losing. Job specifications: Someone finds a suspicious looking package in the airport. While everyone has the luxury of running for their lives, they call you in. You have to diffuse it—preferably without blowing yourself, and the building, up in the process. [...]
Ideal for: anyone with a poor sense of smell and a strong stomoch. Job Specifications: Modern sanitation techniques have made it possible for people to conveniently dispose of their waste without ever wondering where it goes. But you know only too well. Everything that people ever flush down the toilet goes to the [...]
Ideal for: Anyone who loves to travel and doesn’t mind a little bit of fighting. Job Specifications: You are here to serve God, Queen and Country—a comforting thought when the bombs are falling around you. Aside from landmines, grenades, and the occasional crazed terrorists running into the base with bombs strapped to his [...]
Ideal for: people who failed at maths, history, English, science, geography, economics . . . . . . . Job Specifications: Clogged drains and toilet bowls, slimy kitchen pipes—whenever there’s a job that’s too disgusting for the man of the house to handle, they call you. On any given day you have to [...]
Ideal for: Masochists or people with below average intelligence who were born in the slums. Job Specifications: You get beat up for a living. Drawbacks: Aside from daily physical abuse, on the off chance that you do train hard enough to win a match, 60% of your earnings goes to other people, [...]