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Ideal for: anyone with an IQ less than 80 and no
ambition or pride. Job Specifications:
Everyday, you sit on a stool for ten hours at a time, pressing the buttons.
Why people can’t manage to perform this relatively simple task for
themselves remains to be a mystery, but as someone who desperately needs the
money, you aren’t complaining. At least, not aloud. You are stuck in a small
space, hearing Muzak music every day of your waking life. The ventilation’s
bad, and not all of the people who step into the elevator have discovered
the lovely little invention called deodorant.
Drawbacks: It’s hopelessly dull work, and you will feel brain cells
atrophying every second until you can barely remember your own name. (Not
that anyone bothers to ask.) While there are very few health hazards—except
for the small risk that the cables will break and your elevator will plunge
to the basement)—you could be the first documented case of someone actually
dying of boredom.
Perks: You meet al sorts of interesting people. Flirt a bit, and you may
find yourself a date for Friday night.
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