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Ideal for: anyone with a poor sense of smell
and a strong stomoch.
Job Specifications: Modern sanitation techniques have made it possible for
people to conveniently dispose of their waste without ever wondering where
it goes. But you know only too well. Everything that people ever flush down
the toilet goes to the septic tank. And the laws of physics being the way
that they are, septic tanks get full. You empty them. You take a big pipe,
connect it to the tank, turn a few wheels, and voila, all that crap and
urine is transferred to your truck.
Drawbacks: Leaks are inevitable, and every once in a while you get
spluttered on the face by black glops of coagulated urine and faeces that
have been fermenting in an enclosed container for months at a time. And
every once in a while, you have to hose down your truck, lest maggots and
bacteria fester in the protein-rich environment of its slime-coated walls.
You’ll need a little alcohol—to disinfect your hands, and to forget the
stench under the pleasant haze of one too many tequilas.
Perks: You can take home all the turds you want.
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