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Ideal for: a retired Dr. Frankenstein
Job Specifications: At the time of their grief, family members of the
deceased rely on you to spare them to humiliation and horror of watching
their loved one rot before their very eyes. Armed with surgical tools, vats
of very strong chemicals, and cotton balls to stuff up your nostrils, you
remove any offending entrails and sew the body up nice and pretty.
Drawbacks: You work long hours in a deserted room in the funeral home’s
basement, with a corpse for company. The flesh feels icy cold to the touch,
and late rigor mortis makes it possible for a leg to suddenly shoot up just
as you’re performing a very delicate disembowelment procedure. The good news
is that you mess up, nobody would know. The bad news is that’s the only good
news.
Perks: It’s a quiet job, clients never complain, work hours are pretty
set, and given the steady mortality rate, business never really slackens.
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