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Ideal for: very smart rodents with a desire to make
a significant impact on the course of science and history
Job Specifications: Well, there are a lot of mazes, and some funky looking
pills, and frequent injections. Sometimes there’s electric shock, sometimes
it’s just sensory deprivation or several weeks of listening to rock music.
Whatever. The point is that your job is to take whatever they give you and
try not to die in the middle of the experiment. It’ll screw up the results.
Drawbacks: Constant pain, bizarre side effects, and (depending on whether
you’re the test or the control variable) a high chance of genetic mutation.
Perks: Nice clean warm cage to live in. All the fags you can smoke. Beats
living in the sewers.
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