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Ideal for: fisherman’s wives (who, when you think
about it, don’t have much of a choice in the matter)
Job specifications: You wake up at three am, or some similar godforsaken
hour, and take several pails of fish to the market to sell. This should be
relatively simple, except it’s a competitive industry and you’ve got to yell
to be seen. Jingles may work, as well as catchy slogans…oh, what the heck,
just throw a couple of expletives and insults until they buy something just
to shut you up.
Drawbacks: It’s a good thing you’re already married, because the stench of
fish and sweat will do nothing for your social life. Long hours of yelling
can hurt the throat, and possibly you, if you happen to yell the wrong thing
at the wrong person. Irate neighbours can literally make you “hold your
tongue” with a cold’s bridle—a metal cage slipped that is over the head, and
comes equipped with a built-in gag—then push you into a river to “wash your
mouth.”
Perks: Whatever happens, you have food on your table, even if it is the
half-rotten fish nobody wanted to buy. While the positions offered no upward
mobility in this lifetime, you can always be reincarnated as a morning radio
talk show host.
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