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Ideal for: retired woodcutters (or reformed
psychopaths looking for ways to use their unique, er, skills to serve
society).
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Job specifications: Essentially, you cut off
people’s heads. You’ll need a heavy axe, preferably one with a very sharp
blade, and enough dexterity to swing it without accidentally cutting off
your toe.
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Drawbacks: It is gory, disgusting business. Aside from
having decapitated heads rolling over your feet, blood splattering over your
shirt, and bits of spine and bone caught in your hair (is your stomach
turning yet?), you’ll hear the final moans of your victims echoing in your
conscious-stricken soul for the rest of your life. Thankfully the black hood
hides your identity from angry kin who’d love to hack at your own
neck given the chance, but you know palace gossip. Someone’s bound to know
that you aren’t just a harmless royal gardener, especially when they happen
to see your laundry. Expect to be ostracized - nay, vilified. At the very
least, you can’t gripe about a bad day at the office at the pub; at the very
worst, the ghosts of your victims will curse you and your family for seven
generations down.
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Perks: It pays to be close to royalty, if only to
ensure that they won’t send you to the chopping block. Board and
lodging is free, though you’ll hardly have any appetite for the mutton after
you’re done with your day’s work. |
