Archive for the 'Worst Jobs for Children' Category

Number 10 – Match Girl

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

 Ideal for: Orphans with wide eyes and trembling lips  Job Specifications: You sell matches from a wee wicker basket, preferably in the coldest night of winter—when demand is high, as well as the risk for frostbite.  Drawbacks: You spend long hours outside, stopping busy people in the middle of the street, and [...]

Number 9 – Mad Scientist’s Assistant

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

 Ideal for: aspiring scientists  Job Specifications: Even the world’s most brilliant minds need someone to clean up after them. While he’s lost in his obscure scientific calculations, you dust off the laboratory and run a few errands. If you’re lucky, his experiments are harmless (if futile) attempts to turn rocks into gold. But [...]

Number 8 – Mudlarker

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

 Ideal for: Budding installation artists  Job specifications: One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Plough through the city garbage, or the muddy banks of the river Thames, to find scrap metal, outworn clothes, or accidentally misplaced valuables. If you’re lucky, you’ll find jewellery and coins hidden among the urine and rotting food. Most [...]

Number 7 – Chimney Sweep

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

 Ideal for: a thin, malnourished child, somewhere between the ages of 5 and 10, who can fit easily into small spaces.  Job Specifications: Everybody loves a fireplace, except the chimney sweep hired to brush off the soot. Er, that would be you. You climb up (and up…and up…), and if you’re lucky, you [...]

Number 6 – Bath House Assistant

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

 Ideal for: anyone who ever dreamed of having a house by the sea  Job specifications: Before the Mayo Clinic and John Hopkins, the sick and ailing had to flock to seaside resorts, whose fresh air and healing waters supposedly had “recuperative effects”. As resort assistant, your job is to assist these poor souls, [...]

Number 5 – Rodent Catcher

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

 Ideal for: the child whose mother never let him have a hamster  Job Specifications: When the bard’s ballads get a little old and the jugglers are busy with other public engagements, the town pubs turns to the unusual in-house entertainment of…watching dogs kill rats. Your job is to catch the little buggers from [...]

Number 4 – Loblolly Boy

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

 Ideal for: Young, adventurous boys who wish to see the world and pursue a career in military medicine.  Job Specifications: You are, to put it simply, the warship’s errand boy. “Loblolly” is taken from the name of a thick porridge made of meat and vegetables that’s served to sick sailors. That’s one of [...]

Number 3 – Mill house Scavenger

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

 Ideal for: Those with good eyesight, nimble fingers, and prior experience with brushes and brooms. Minimum age requirement of six years old.  Job Specifications: Start your career early! A Manchester textile mill seeks eager, hardworking children to sweep the cotton that falls under the wheels of the weaving mules.  Drawbacks: The pay [...]

Number 2 – Pickpocket

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

 Ideal for: the nimble fingered  Job specifications: Some would call it thievery, but you prefer the much more politically correct term of “profit sharing.” Your basic day involves wandering crowded streets, looking for distracted citizens, while evading the occasional police officer. Find a partner, and your work may be easier: while he makes [...]

Number 1 – Quack Doctor’s Assistant

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

 Ideal for: Good liars and con boys. No ethics required!  Job specifications: As the trusted partner of the neighbourhood charlatan, you have to help your boss demonstrate the powers of his “powerful, mysterious potions”. At best these potions are nothing more than coloured water with sugar. At worst, you’ll be forcing yourself to [...]