Ideal for: those with a very loud bark, very sharp fangs and a longing to KILL Job Specifications: The title says it all. As a trusted member of the security force, you scare away intruders. If barking doesn’t work you jump for the jugular. Serves them right, the suckers. Drawbacks: Well there’s [...]
Ideal for: hunting breeds with a keen sense of adventure and smell Job Specifications: In times of calamity, humans rely on your fine nose and unswerving obedience, which allows you to go into collapsed mines, earthquake rubble, and Arctic wastelands in search of survivors. It’s a dangerous job, with no hazard pay (come [...]
Ideal for: sadomasochistic cows who are happy to eat organic grass so that some greedy carnivore can eat without feeling too guilty. Job Specifications: Essentially, you get slaughtered. But that’s not the worst part. You are tied to your stable, positioned in such a way that you can’t move. At all. This is [...]
Ideal for: exotic rare animals lookibg for a new home. Job Specifications: Pose for the camera, try not to bite at the kids, and somehow live with the fact that you’re trapped behind bars for the rest of your life Drawbacks: You’re used to large open fields, a cool breeze, and freedom, [...]
Ideal for: very strong animals who don’t have the noble lineage to become race horses Job Specifications: You plough the fields, bring the vegetables to market, and bring your master on long jaunts through the countryside. It wouldn’t be such a bad job, if it weren’t for the fact that the long hours [...]
Ideal for: midget horses that love children – or can at least bear them. Job Specifications: You take children on tours around the farm. Fun, right Think again. Kids can be vicious creatures. They pull your hair, kick you with their spurs pull the rein too tight and scream into your ear again [...]
Ideal for: stallions who have a tendency to run faster than the pack – when whipped around the head. Job Specifications: See those line of really mad looking soldiers with really sharp looking spears You have to run headlong into them, with about 5,000 people screaming at the top of their lungs, and [...]
Ideal for: large dogs with a thick fur coat who do not mind freezing for months at a time in artic conditions. Job Specifications: Strange humans. They already have a perfectly good home in a sunny part of the world, but they insist on going to places with subzero temperatures. Worst of all, [...]
Ideal for: very alert and quick breeds of dogs Job Specifications: It’s World War I. Thousands of soldiers are dying on the battle fields each day. Your job is to run through the crossfire, carrying medicines and other first aid implements, to those who are injured. You also lead the doctors through the [...]
Ideal for: very smart rodents with a desire to make a significant impact on the course of science and history Job Specifications: Well, there are a lot of mazes, and some funky looking pills, and frequent injections. Sometimes there’s electric shock, sometimes it’s just sensory deprivation or several weeks of listening to rock [...]