Linguists A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. ‘In English,’ he said, ‘a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.’ A voice from [...]
Linguists Four linguists were sharing a compartment on a train on their way to an international conference on sound symbolism. One was English, one Spanish, one French and the fourth German. They got into a discussion on whose language was the most eloquent and euphonious. The English linguist said: ‘Why, English is the most [...]
Linguists ‘I’ve just had the most awful time,’ said a boy to his friends. ‘First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy.’ ‘Wow! How did you pull through?’ sympathized his friends. ‘I don’t [...]
Linguists A childless Canadian couple decided to adopt a Mexican baby. After they got the baby, they decided to enroll in a Spanish class. When asked why, the wife replied, ‘so that when the baby starts to talk, we’ll be able to understand him.’
Linguists A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, ‘Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?’ The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, ‘I sorry, sir, but at this school, [...]
Linguists A Mexican bandit held up a bank in Tucson. The sheriff and his deputy chased him. When they captured him, and the sheriff, who couldn’t speak Spanish, asked him where he’d hidden the money. ‘No se nada,’ he replied. The sheriff put a gun to the bandit’s head and said to his bi-lingual [...]
Linguists A nun is undressing for a bath and while she’s standing naked, there’s a knock at the door. The nun calls, ‘Who is it?’ A voice answers, ‘A blind salesman.’ The nun decides to get a thrill by having the blind man in the room while she’s naked so she lets him in. [...]
Linguists An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, ‘The parrot I purchased uses improper language.’ ‘I’m surprised,’ said the owner. ‘I’ve never taught that bird to swear.’ ‘Oh, it isn’t that,’ explained the professor. ‘But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive.’
Linguists If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed? Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be [...]
Linguists Mr Goldberg, from Pinsk, coming to America, shared a table in the ship”s dining room with a Frenchman. Mr Goldberg could speak neither French nor English; the Frenchman could speak neither Russian nor Yiddish. The first day out, the Frenchman approached the table, bowed and said, ‘Bon appétit!’ Goldberg, puzzled for a moment, [...]